October 5, 2010

Brokenness & Humility

10 05 10 Tuesday

There is a lot to be said about humility and brokenness.  I have wrote about them both and have experienced them both on more than one occasion.  The most recent experience was this weekend.

We all have had times in our lives when we have been humbled and/or broken.  That was the case for me this weekend.  I have written about having put my family through some trying times in the past year and really I have a history of doing this all my life.  I spent a great deal of time this weekend trying to get the root of my issues.  I realized that I have lived in fear for the most of my life.  I covered the fear up with pride and selfishness.  My insecurities then would be hidden; so I thought.  I believe most of you have some idea of what I am talking about here; if not in yourself in someone you know.  Once I started dealing with the fears and insecurities; I then come to realize that I had never let those closest to me to love me.  By that I mean mainly Melissa, my wife.  She knew this, that is the awesome part.  She had been waiting on me to see it.  She could have told me, but she knew because of my pride, selfishness and insecurity defense mode I wouldn’t have been able to understand it.  However, when I humbled myself, allow the brokenness to enter and tear down the walls, and allow the hurt to dissipate; then I was able to receive.  This may be simply math for you, but for me it was overwhelming.  I still haven’t gotten it all yet, and I hope I never do, in that I want it to keep growing and developing in me, but I will keep myself in a state of humility, brokenness, teachability, receiving, and loving.

I hope this has helped you in some way.  If nothing else to understand me better and to know me more.  I desire to be open, honest, and transparent before God, my wife, my family.  Thank you for your love and prayers.  The same goes out to you.